ORIGIN
First muttered by a student (who will henceforth be referred to by the initials “MS” to maintain anonymity) at a West Coast university notorious for its party scene, a new application for the term “horizontal” has rapidly emerged since its conception. In early to mid-2022, MS returned home from a night of modest drinking, grumbling about the need to be horizontal to her roommates before promptly, albeit dramatically, lying down on top of her bed. Although MS’ exact phrasing has since been lost to the passage of time, a sentence similar to “I need to get so horizontal right now” may have possibly been heard and, consequently, spread to the larger population through her college roommates—all of whom likely found the incorrect usage of horizontal amusing and worthwhile to share with others. Whether spoken during the day or used at night, horizontal has now evolved to apply to any situation in which a bed and an individual are involved.
DEFINITION & GRAMMATICAL FUNCTION
This use of horizontal has led to the proposal of the following definition: horizontal (noun): the state of being in one’s bed. While English speakers may be familiar with its function as a noun and definition of “a horizontal line, surface, or position.” (Cambridge Dictionary, n.d.), horizontal is often used as an adjective and defined as “parallel to, in the plane of, or operating in a plane parallel to the horizon or to a baseline” (Merriam-Webster, 2023). When used as an idiomatic phrase, however, horizontal generally functions only as a noun. Referring to a state of existence rather than describing an object or action, horizontal adopts properties of a noun when it names the specific condition of being in bed.
If used as an idiomatic phrase, horizontal will often reside at the end of a clause and will always follow a verb, especially if it functions as a direct object. For example, in “Bro, I had such a good horizontal,” horizontal receives the action of the auxiliary verb “had” and answers the question of what “I had” (i.e., “a good horizontal”). “I wish you a happy horizontal” similarly demonstrates the use of horizontal as a noun, as the indirect “you” receives the direct object, “a happy horizontal,” in this particular instance. Therefore, as a direct noun object, horizontal can often be found in S-V-O and S-V-IO-DO sentence patterns. Horizontal may also be less commonly found within S-V-DO-OC sentences as an objective complement. In “Drinking Trader Joe’s Sleepy Time Tea made me horizontal,” horizontal is an objective complement that continues to function as a noun and renames the direct object “me.”
Nevertheless, it is important to note that horizontal will always live within a larger sentence and cannot be independently exclaimed. Since horizontal must rename either the subject or direct object, shouting “Horizontal!” would be incomprehensible. “He is horizontal,” alternatively, would be the correct and appropriate phrase to use.
DEMOGRAPHICS & RHETORICAL/SOCIAL CONTEXT
With origins in a West Coast college town, horizontal is, unsurprisingly, commonplace among younger populations on the West Coast, as most users fall within an estimated age range of 15 to 25 and often reside within California. While information related to socioeconomic and racial demographics is limited, the use of horizontal among men and women is likely bilateral. Therefore, it is the young population from the West Coast that will generally make and enforce the mainstream rules of horizontal.
A general rule for correctly using horizontal is its exclusive agreement with personal pronouns or proper nouns–more specifically, nouns that refer to people. To say “The car is having a nice horizontal” after turning off the ignition would be grammatically incorrect, as horizontal does not agree with nouns or pronouns referring to objects, places, or other non-human items. To have an appropriate agreement, “The car” would need to be substituted for a personal pronoun, such as “she.” Therefore, the agreement between “she” and “horizontal” would create the following sentence: “She is having a nice horizontal.”
While this remains a concrete rule to its usage, exceptions to using horizontal can also arise. In a snarky interaction between two teens, “Since buying those 1000 thread count sheets, Victoria horizontals way too much,” horizontals would be unusual, but not incorrect. Although its rules generally protect its status as a noun, horizontal can become a verb or verbal if the social context permits. This is typically done when the speaker wishes to emphasize the action of going into one’s bed over the state of being in the bed itself. The rule for personal pronouns or proper nouns still stands, however, as “horizontals” can only be done by a human subject. In the previous sentence, horizontals still must agree with the proper noun “Victoria” in the sentence in order to be considered grammatically correct.
In a similarly snarky interaction between two 40-year-olds, “Horizontaling after a long day, he couldn’t be bothered to look up from that stupid phone,” the gerund horizontaling would only be somewhat acceptable when emphasizing the action of getting into bed. While gerunds function as nouns, the preference for keeping horizontal in its existing noun form is generally enlivened by horizontal’s dominant users (i.e., those aged 15 to 25 who live on the West Coast). For those who do not fall within this demographic, the gerund horizontaling may occasionally be approved if it correctly agrees with the context of the sentence.
Nevertheless, horizontal will consistently refer to a person in bed across all contexts and is closely related to terms such as rest, relaxation, repose, nap, doze, inactivity, break, intermission, and goodnight. Horizontal cannot be completely interchanged with these synonyms, however. Horizontal includes any activity done on a bed (e.g., eating, reading, sleeping, etc.). The sentence “You’re telling me I can listen to music, scroll on my phone, and be horizontal all at the same time?” helps to exemplify the context which surrounds the state of being in bed. Moreover, unlike the exclamation goodnight, horizontal is not restricted to a time of day. While wishing someone a “goodnight” before their midday nap may be unnatural, wishing them a “good horizontal” would be more situationally appropriate.
LONGEVITY
Horizontal, despite its useful application to any situation concerning one’s bed, will likely not live long enough to make its way into any collegiate dictionary. The context in which it is used can be too distinct for users to consistently incorporate into daily jargon, with the rule of using human-centric nouns and pronouns being particularly restrictive. Although this rule may be updated to include all nouns, human and non-human, it is reasonable to assume that the meaning of horizontal will simultaneously change when adjusting to new rules. Moreover, it is possible that horizontal will revert back into its original adjectival form to better describe bed-related activities. “He scrolled on his phone as he lay horizontally on his bed” may soon be preferred over “He was horizontal when he scrolled on his phone.” Horizontal, in short, will pass through the language and simply fade into obsolescence, becoming only a memory of a distant time.
References
Horizontal. (n.d.). Cambridge Dictionary. Retrieved August 3, 2023, from https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/horizontal
Horizontal Definition & Meaning. (2023, July 29). Merriam-Webster. Retrieved August 3, 2023, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/horizontal
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